This Is My Mind
It’s cold out there. So lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time inside, in these three rooms I call home. The kitchen. The bedroom. The living room. These rooms are like the confines of my mind. The kitchen, my Hunger. The bedroom, my Desire. The living room, my Solitude. Three things I have to deal with every single fucking day. Shit, I spend a lot of time within these places, within my mind. Out in the real world, you can always step outside for a breather. In my head, there’s no escape… Not ever.
When I meet people, they take one look at me and dismiss me as some stupid, oversized meathead. Someone who doesn’t have a thought in his brain. Fuck that. I’ve got the opposite problem. I think too much. I dwell on too many things. My mind wanders… Sometimes, I feel trapped… Like the walls are closing in on me. It’s suffocating. I wonder if I can keep this up for another seventeen weeks and make it to the end. Some nights, when I’m awake, I imagine that the front door is unlocked… Fear comes a calling. Doubt walks in… Questions howl outside, rattle my windows.
But within these three rooms I must remain. Alone with Hunger, Desire, Solitude. I gotta keep driving forward. I gotta keep moving… So when I’m sitting here alone on another night, I tell myself I’m not gonna go fucking nuts. When I lie in bed, I’m not gonna stay awake. When I eat, I’m not gonna puke… These are the tenants that occupy my mind—the place where I live.
